In an Instant
by voidsenshi
Summary: A tradedy strikes Bad Luck and Shuichi is torn. Will he be able to cope with the loss or will he take Yuki into insanity with him?
1. Dear Journal

Hello All!!! This is my first Gravitation fic as well at my first attempt at a real Angst/death fic so go easy on me. Once again it is a product of my boredom in math class and I do not own any of the gravitation characters, bands, or songs. This chapter is from Shuichi's point of view. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ shows a chance in the time Shuichi is writing about in his journal and _______________ shows the separation between writing in the journal and Shuichi and Yuki actually talking Happy reading!  
  
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Dear Journal,  
  
It has been almost a week and a half since the last time that I wrote in here. I guess that a lot has just been going on so I haven't really had time. I think I will start with today. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~  
I'm home late today. We had to rush to make the deadline because I was in another one of my slumps. Bet you can't guess why. No, seriously, I bet you can't. You see, lately, I have been very depressed and have been nothing like myself. For the first time in my life I was truly saddened and depressed.  
Like I said, we finished recording today. All of the music was already prepared and all that was needed were my vocals, so I sang by myself in the studio.just me.no Fujisaki.and no Hiro. I'm sure you are still waiting for me to get to the point of this, so I'll try to hurry it along.  
You see, most of the time, while we were waiting for the studio to be set up, Hiro, Fujisaki, and I would all rehearse together. However, this time we didn't, we couldn't. They are both gone and I don't mean on a temporary vacation- - - I mean a permanent one.  
There had been a terrible accident at out last concert. It wasn't the sound system or the lighting, it was a drunk guy with a gun and no sense of what he was doing. We were performing "Rage Beat" and the next thing I knew, the music stopped. I turned around and there they were, lying on the ground, covered in blood. I was in shock and the rest of the crowd seemed to be as well. It hadn't registered that two of the band members of Bad Luck were lying on the stage bleeding.  
After I had gotten over the initial shock, I ran to Hiro's side. I shock him a little and called his mane. He looked up at me and smiled. He said "I had fun Shuichi. At least I can say that I went out on top. You have to keep going though, keep performing, keep singing, keep living your dream and just live. I'll be watching over ya' buddy."  
I pleaded with him to hold on and that I need him to keep on living if I was going to live as well, but he was already gone.the smile still on his face.  
Tears started to stream down my face and I heard a noise that I registered as Fujisaki. Taking one last look at Hiro, I ran over to him and asked if he was alright. He, like Hiro, just smiled and tolk me that life had been fun ever since he joined Bad Luck. He said that he and Hiro would me watching me so I better not let them down and quit on my dream. And then, he too, died.smiling.  
I couldn't stop them, so I let the tears run down my pale cheeks. I was so upset that I couldn't hear properly what was going on around me. However, I did hear one thing, the security guards yelling as they were trying to restrain the drunken man and all the time he kept on screaming that they had no proof that he had "shot the sons of bitches". All I saw was red. I turned around and ran at the man, more upset then ever.  
When I reached the man, I grabbed his shirt and glared at him. I don't think that I looked very convincing since I had snot coming out of my nose and what looked like waterfalls streaming from my eyes so I got even closer to his face. So close that I could smell the heavy aroma of alcohol that hung on his breath. He asked me if I had a problem and I just glared harder and said "Two of my best friends and the most important people to me in the world are dead, you tell me that's not a problem." All he did was smirk at me and replied "Well it isn't my problem now is it?".  
That's when I snapped. I punched him across the face and he fell to the ground. When I looked down at him and saw the gun it made me even angrier. Picking up the gun, I smirked and said with venom dripping from my voice "Now it is your problem." and I tossed the gun at the officer.  
Later, a group of people came and took Hiro and Fujisaki's bodies and took them somewhere. I was still so distressed that I really wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings. This entire night seems so surreal, almost as if it is just a bad dream and I'll wake up and Hiro and Fujisaki will be there telling me it is time to practice. The only thing that snapped me out of my own little fantasy world was a strong hand on my shoulder.  
I looked up and there was Yuki wearing his usual solemn mask. All he did was nod at me a squeeze my shoulder and I knew that he was here to take me home. I got up and followed him to his car where we then proceeded on the long and silent journey home. Once arriving at the apartment, I was still in my little world so Yuki had to carry me up. He didn't bother to change either of our clothes and we both went to bed.  
I guess that somewhere along the line it hit me that they really were gone and I guess I started to cry because Yuki placed his arms around me and told me to hush. He said that no matter how much it hurt, I would learn to cherish the memories. I guess that I am not entirely surprised at this advice. Yuki would know.now we both have one real thing in common, even if it is horrible. We both have lost some one dear to us in an instant. Granted I am not the one who killed my dear someone but none the less.  
Once again I got lost in my little world and started crying again, but this time I realized what I was doing and apologized to Yuki. I know that he doesn't like it when I whine. However, this time he wasn't angry or agitated.he actually smiled at me and told me that under these circumstances, he would be more disappointed in me if I didn't cry because that would mean that I was heartless. He said to go on and cry and "it doesn't mean that you are weak. Even the strongest man in the world has shed a tear at least once in his life." Yuki's words really came through to me and I was finally able to leave my fantasy world, feeling a bit better then when I had entered it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Now it is a week later, the funerals have taken place, the recording is done, the trial finished and the man in jail- - -for life. I still haven't gotten over it yet and I still tent to retreat to my fantasy world. At night I toss and turn, calling out Hiro's name. I know that I keep Yuki up and that my day dreaming is annoying him. Actually I think that I might be driving him insane. I hope that nothing else bad happens- - - I hope that Yuki doesn't get so mad at me that he leaves me. I don't think that I could handle that ----  
  
__________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Shuichi, You should get to bed." 'Crap" I thought. I shut my Journal and replied "OK. I'll be there in a bit!" He just "hmph"-ed and left the room mumbling something about a "girly journal". Opening my journal again I continued to write. ____________________________________________________________________________ __  
  
Sorry, Yuki came in and told me to go to bed but there was worry lining his words..and I don't like to make him worry so, I'll end here for tonight.  
  
Good night!  
Shuichi #!$#!$^#!#@&%$@#*&%#*^%#*%^%^%$(^%(&*)&_()*+_)*)(*(&^%$#@^*(&_(&(*(*&%&%$^$@ &%(&^%&*)(&^)(^_(*^(%&$^%#*^%874(*&^%(*&%)(^)(  
  
Well that was the first chapter! The rest of the story fluctuates on different characters POV so it won't all be Shuichi..and they wont be journal entries - _-;; So yeah.next chapter will be out soon! Please R&R!  
  
~voidsenshi 


	2. Nothing to Live For

Hell to you all! Thanks for getting this far!!!! And thanks to you who reviewed (Anime Writer Karica, panatlantic, Misura) You guys are great! Oh, I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This chapter starts off in Shuichi's POV and will switch later. '..' are thoughts and (.....) are my notes. On with the story!!  
  
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Ch. 2: Nothing to Live for  
  
When I woke up this morning, Yuki was already gone, and I cried. This was the first time in a week that he hasn't been there when I woke up. I felt do alone, so.abandoned. He did leave me a note though, his sister was very sick and Seguchi couldn't stay at home to take care of her. He said that he would be back in time for dinner and that I shouldn't worry nor should I cry because he wasn't there. Hmm.he is really starting to understand me. I surely would have cried and been worried if he did not come home at all. This thought made me feel better.  
  
I went into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast but I settled for Pop-Tarts instead. Turning on the TV, I sat down on the couch and snuggled into my green blanket, trying to get rid of the chills that have suddenly invaded my body.just as they did every morning. After flipping through the 999 channels for the 24th time, I caught sight of a news program that was doing a special on the two dead Back Luck members. Just hearing their names made my heat ache with sadness and I knew that I should turn it off but, for some reason, I couldn't. I was so drawn in by the flood of memories and emotions that I couldn't take my eyes off of the screen. I sat and watched the entire program with awe and by the end, tears were running freely down my face. I felt so hopeless, so unfit to live.  
  
So, I decided to end it, my life that is. Why not? I knew that I should try to carry on but without my other members, I couldn't find the strength or the drive to keep on living. I walked into the kitchen and went to find the sharp cutting knife that Yuki only used for special occasions. Once I found it, I just sort of looked at it, contemplating the best way to end my pathetic life. Hiro and Fujisaki got to go out with a bang so to speak so I will as well. Recalling a play by a man called Shakespeare, I took the knife and placed it at my chest.  
  
It was then that thoughts started to flood my mind. I wondered if the news would do a special on me, if anyone would really miss me. I was always so energetic and everyone would tell me that I was annoying, so of course no one would miss me. But then I though of Yuki, and wondered if *he* would miss me. Heh- probably not. If anything he would be glad that I was gone but he would probably me angry with me. He would be angry that I took my life and didn't have the decency to but a cloth down so I didn't stain the wood, he would be angry that I got blood on his favorite knife and hadn't even asked if I could use it. However, another small thought crept into my head, that he would be mad that I took my own life and hadn't said good-bye and then he would call me selfish. In my mind I actually here him..crying, I don't want Yuki to cry.  
  
Sighing, I set the knife down and got out a piece of paper to write my farewell not to Yuki. There was a point during writing the letter that I almost started to cry and decided not to kill myself but I remained strong and finished the letter. When I was done, I also thought that I should call some people as well- - - Nakano-san, K-san, Ryuuichi-kun, and even Tatsuha but then I started hoping that they wouldn't be home, so that I could just leave a message.  
  
I picked up the phone and called Ryuuichi first, then Nakano, and finally K. To my relief, none of them were home and I was able to leave a message saying that I was going on vacation and that I would miss them all while I was gone, closing it out by saying I'd see them again some day.  
  
All that that left was Tatsuha and considering my past luck, I hoped that he wouldn't be home. If he was, I don't think that I could hold up, I mean it is a lot harder to say good bye to a machine than it is to an actual person. However , no such luck lasts forever and after a couple of rings, Tatsuha answered the phone.  
  
"Hai moshi-moshi." He sounded a little bit worried and I wondered why. Then it hit me that he was probably at home waiting for news on his sister and he thought that that is what this phone call was about.  
  
"Hello Tatsuha-kun." I heard him breath a sigh of relief.  
  
"Shuichi-kun, What are you doing calling here? Is there something wrong?" Yes, he definantly sounded relieved when he heard my voice.but still he sounded worried.  
  
"Oh, no, nothing is wrong. I just wanted to say good bye, that's all."  
  
There was silence on his end of the line for a moment before he responded. "Oh, umm where are you going?"  
  
God, I really don't want to talk anymore, I was starting to lose my mask. "umm, just on vacation. I'll be gone for a while so I thought I should call and say good bye."  
  
"Ano, but Shuichi, you never called before any of your vacations before. Yuki didn't say that you were leaving and I got you tickets to Nittle Grasper's special concert this week. My brother said that you could come."  
  
Shit! I wasn't expecting this.what am I going to do now?!  
  
"Shuichi, are you still there?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm still here. My vacation was, umm, sort of, umm, spur of the moment. So, yeah, I got to go. I'll see ya again some day, Ja!"  
  
".Ja."  
  
~*~* Tatsuha's house*~*~  
  
"Well that was odd, I don't think that I liked his tone."  
  
*ring-ring*  
  
"Hai moshi-moshi"  
  
"Ahhh Tatsuha-kun! How are you?"  
  
(Tatsuha's eyes get as big as saucers)"RYUUICHI!! Umm, to what do I owe the pleasure?"  
  
"Well, actually, I was wondering if Shu called you? He called me and some other people and left as sad sounding message about going on vacation. It didn't seem like him so I thought that I would call you."  
  
There was silence on the line as Tatsuha turned all of the new information over in his head and suddenly it clicked.  
  
"Shit! Ryu-kun, I'll have to call you back later, there is an emergency. Ja ne!" Slamming the phone down, Tatsuha went to get his coat where he then ran out to get into his car.  
  
'What the hell are you thinking Shuichi? Is it Suicide? Something bad is going to happen- - -I just know it.'  
  
He sped off down the street to his sisters house. Her house was on the way to his brothers apartment, so he figured if anyone could stop Shuichi from what he was about to do, his brother could. Arriving at his destination, Tatsuha nearly leapt out of his car and he ran to the door, flinging it open. Inside he saw his brother sitting on the couch, glaring up at him like normal. "What do you want Tatsuha? You are being very ru-"  
  
"Shuichi." Tatsuha interrupted.  
  
"What about him?" Yuki still wasn't pleased with his younger brother's sudden appearance.  
  
"I think- - -Well I think that something bad is going to happen to him."  
  
Yuki's eyes widened a fraction "What do you mean 'something bad'? Like what?"  
  
Tatsuha looked down at his feet, it was a lot harder to tell his brother this that he thought it would be, but they were running out of time. He had to hurry. "Suicide."  
  
"NANI?!" Yuki's eyes were now very wide as he starred at his brother. "How do you know?"  
  
"Look, I really don't have any time to explain! He could be dead by now! I'll tell you later, JUST GO!"  
  
Yuki didn't waste anymore time, he got up from the couch and walked hastily toward his car. 'God, please don't let Tatsuha be right! I.I..I can't loose him."  
  
He arrived at his apartment in record time (running 2 red lights and all stop signs in the process). 'Please let him still be alive' Yuki thought as he ran up the steps. He almost couldn't get the key in the door because he was so nervous.  
  
When he got inside, the sight made him go pale.  
  
&%^%@#&#$&*%^$*$(&%)*^_(*_)(*+()*)(*)&*(^*&%^$^%#^#&#$&%#$&%#$^%#&%*&^(*^)(* &_(*&()*+*+(*)(&(*^*&%&E#%^)*&)  
  
OHhhhhh cliff-hanger!! Don't you just hate those! Well I hoped you all liked this chapter and I will try to get the next one out soon! Please review ^-^.  
  
~Firekitsune~ 


	3. Second Thoughts

Welcome to chapter three of "In an Instant". Sorry that it took me so long to get out. stupid writers block -_-;. Well anyway, thanks to all of my new reviews!! ( Anime Writer, gallatica, Misura, Crystalis Inlance, and AnimeCrazed) As always, thank you for your support. WARNING : MAJOR Yuki OOC. I didn't mean for it to happen that way. but I guess that Shu has just made him a little softer over the years.  
  
I do not own any of the Gravitation characters. '....' Are thoughts and "....." is people talking.  
  
Enjoy!! !^*&%(*^#*(&%^(*&#(*^)!@(*&)!(*@&_(*!&@(*#&)!(*@&)(#^)$&!%)$*&%($*!&_($*!&(@ *$&(!*$&)!(*&$)(&*$^*&@#%!$^*(($(*^!$*(&#$^)*(!  
  
Last time on "In an Instant"  
  
(Yuki) arrived at his apartment in record time (running 2 red lights and all stop signs in the process). 'Please let him still be alive' Yuki thought as he ran up the steps. He almost couldn't get the key in the door because he was so nervous.  
  
When he got inside, the sight made him go pale.  
  
Chapter 3: Second Thoughts  
  
Shuichi was sitting in the kitchen with Yuki's cutting knife pointing at his chest; tears running down his face. He was looking at Yuki, the slamming of the door catching his attention and causing him to stall.  
  
Shuichi couldn't seem to make his voice work. During this entire time he had been thinking of Yuki, and now he was here. 'I have to hurry and do this before I have any second thoughts. Yuki looks so worried. I've never seen him look like that before.' It was that look that helped Shuichi find his voice, even if it was only one word. "Yuki"  
  
The sound of his own name was enough to snap Yuki back to reality. He had be so stunned by what was in front of him that he wasn't even sure if it was real or not. Either way he had to get to Shu no matter what so , stumbling over his own feet in his rush, he ran to where Shuichi was kneeling. Crouching down next to him, Yuki took the knife out of Shuichi's hands and took him into his arms, placing Shuichi's head in the crook of his neck.  
  
Shuichi's eyes widened at Yuki's actions but it was only the beginning. What he heard next made him wonder if this was really Yuki. Shuichi picked up his head to look at Yuki's face and all he could do was stare, Yuki was..he was..crying. He had only seen Yuki cry once before and that was a long time ago. He wasn't counting on his strong lover breaking down like this.  
  
"What where you thinking?", Yuki interrupted his thoughts, "What---what did you think you were doing?"  
  
Shuichi remained silent, determined not to break down and cry as well. He had made up his mind and there was no way that he could go back now...no way.  
  
"Answer me Shuichi---please. I can't loose you. If it was something that I- "  
  
"No Yuki, you didn't do anything." Shuichi kept his voice steady, surprised at the strength that it held. He hated doing this to Yuki but it was something that he had to do. "Then what then? Why would you want to kill yourself? I know that it is hard to go on without them, but you have to find a way to continue on with you life. You have to find new strength in the people who are still alive and that care for you. Did you ever stop to think of them? Did you? Did you think of what would have happened to us without you? What if we all copied what you did, kill ourselves and take the easy way out of the pain of losing someone that we car for..just because we missed you. The line of deaths would be never ending. Is that what you want? I know that I would kill myself right after you did. You have been the only thing that was keeping me alive, without you, I have no reason to live."  
  
Shuichi didn't say a word and remained uncharacteristically still. What Yuki said did make sense and it was true and he didn't want them to do that- -- however.  
  
"No one would really miss me enough to kill themselves. You say that you would, but if I were really to kill myself you wouldn't be able to do it. There are too many people who would miss you."  
  
Shuichi's comment was met with Yuki pulling away and slapping him across the face. For the second time that day, Shuichi was caught in shock. He looked at Yuki with a look of betrayal, but when he saw the look in Yuki's eyes--- Shuichi started to cry silently.  
  
"What the HELL do you mean that no one would miss you enough?! Do you remember who you are talking to?!! God! Even my brother cared enough about you to come and get me cause he thought that something was up."  
  
Shuichi paused crying a bit to make his voice work " He.he came to get you? But why?" Then it hit him--- Tatsuha was the only one that he had talked to in person. He must have heard the emotions in his voice. 'Shit'  
  
He should have known from the moment Tatsuha picked up the phone that his plan was doomed. If only he hadn't called anyone. However, the more that he thought about it, he realized that maybe this was something that he really didn't want to do. It was like he had called people with the unconscious hope that one of them would notice what he was about to do and stop him.  
  
Yuki was right, people did care and they would miss him. And even if it was all an illusion, he knew that Yuki cared, and that was all that he needed.  
  
*&*(#(*$&^(*#&@*($*()^(*&^$(*&^))@#(*)&@_#)(&#$(*^$&*)&&)@#*_@&(#*&_*&$(*^)( $*^)(*%^(*$_(*#&_(*&_#%*&%_(#*&_%(&*#  
  
Done!!! Sry it is so short but I wanted to get SOMETHING out. I'll try to work faster on the next one!! Hoped you like it..and please review!  
  
~firekitsune aka the REAL voidsenshi~ 


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